A late-night list of things I hate.

1. Any public event in which men dress like women (usually cheerleaders) and the people who think this is somehow clever or funny.  I'm thinking specifically of "Mr. [insert the name of your school here] events" and Halloween.  It's mildly funny to dress like a woman if you're a. Tony Curtis or b. Jack Lemmon.  It's never clever.

2. People who think that Native Americans are somehow more spiritual than any other race of people.  Yes, it's tragic what happened to them, but, they're not, you know, _magical_.  You do realize that for all their supposed "connection" to nature, they still use closed circuit cameras in their casinos, right?  It ain't dreamcatchers that they're hanging over the blackjack table, I can assure you of that.

2a. People who claim a small percentage of Native American in their ancestry as a way to garner a little of that supposed spirituality for themselves.  Usually presented like this: "I'm mostly German and Irish, with a bit of Russian in there.  Oh, and a very small part Native American on my mother's side."  They then cry a single tear for the way the White Man has polluted this planet while accepting an Academy Award for Marlon Brando.

3. People who insist on using Barack Obama's middle name as if this is supposed to mean something.  A lot of people don't know this, but John McCain's middle name is "Slobodan Milosevic Kim Jong-Il Hitler Mussolini."  Seriously, though, if you think a man's middle name has any bearing on whether or not he ought to be president, then you ought not be voting.

4.  That all human beings are cognizant of the fact that they're going to die.  I mean, one second you're having some sugar-free yogurt in the cafeteria of the Tropicana, the next you're having an existential crisis about the meaning of life.  Medical science needs to find a way to burn this out of us.  You know who doesn't know they're going to die?  Dogs.  You know who doesn't need any kind of sleeping medication?  Yep, dogs.  Think about it.

5.  People who give you poetry to read and then, when you don't understand it, they say: "Well, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of really deep symbolism in there that you kind of have to know me to understand."  Here's a little tip: if something doesn't speak for itself, _don't share it with anyone_.  In fact, if you have a stash of pornography, keep your poems in there as they're both pretty much masturbatory material.

6.  Any item of enjoyment that people claim you have to "get" to enjoy.  I'm speaking specifically of high end trendy food, weirdo movies and TV shows, and thick unread "literary" fiction.  No one ever had to explain to me why chocolate cake is good.  You know why?  Because it's actually good.  This is not to say that trendy food, weirdo movies, and literary fiction is inherently bad, just that a lot of people are pretending to enjoy them because they want to seem better than us common folk.

I've got more hate in me, but my OTC/Prescription Pill cocktail of Benedryl, Muscle Relaxers, and Melatonin is kicking in big time right now and I'm about to head to bed.  Just one last thing I hate:

7. When you're OTC/Presciption Pill cocktain of Benedryl, Muscle Relaxers, and Melatonin kills you.  More on this tomorrow... uh... maybe?