May your 2010 be free from stabbing, or, if you must be stabbed, may your stabbing be gentle and lethality-free.

Keane does Marlon Brando (except for maybe the choo choo shirt; I'm not 100% Brando wore that in "The Wild One").

I'll be on 610 WIP in Philly again tomorrow from 8 AM until 10 AM. Use it as a springboard to your night of drinking!

Watching the awful "8 Days a Week" because I vaguely remember a wet t-shirt scene. Imagine my productivity if I was born without a penis.

Watching "He's Just Not That Into You". Better title: "Good Looking People I Don't Give A Damn About And Also Scarlett Johansson's Boobs".

New game: Worst Two-Word Biography Title. Me first! "Bloated Scrotum: The Jay Black Story".

My son had a truck and was happy. A little girl wanted the truck and he gave it to her. Now, she's happy and he's sad. Get used to it kid.

If I'm ever gunned down, I hope my son does the respectful thing and becomes a vengence-obsessed masked vigilante.

My wife explained to me that she loved the necklace I got her so much we had to return it. I think I may have married an Orwell novel.

What are your December 26th traditions? I listen to "Brick" by Ben Folds Five while I stare at my gifts and wonder why I'm not happy.

I'm a CubanoGoth: instead of cutting myself, I watch post-Jerry Maguire Cuban Gooding Jr. movies. "Snow Dogs" makes the pain real.

Two glasses of wine + 30 minutes of blowing up an inflatable toy = super high. If you have merlot and a beachball, you have a party.

Saw an NBA promo where the Knicks visited sick kids. I felt so sad for the kids: to be sick AND to have to feign excitement over the Knicks!

Tip: instead of arguing politics at your holiday party, rip your pants off and masturbate violently. Trust me, it will be better received.

I'll be sitting in on the morning show on 610 WIP from 8-10 AM tomorrow. If you're out of area, now would be the time to move to Philly!

Maybe Balloon Boy's father will go to the jail where they film MSNBC's "Lockup". I mean, it _is_ a reality show, right?

TV show idea: "Pleaters". Host Joey Greco takes us into the decadent world of the khaki pants industry.

How many hours a day do you think "Cheaters" host Joey Greco spends in front of a mirror practicing human emotions? At least 2 or 3, right?

Watching "Back to School". One of the few movies to truly capture America's intense love-affair with collegiate diving.

Every holiday Kay Jewelers ad: hot girl and d-bag do something wintery, d-bag pulls out shitty necklace, hot girl's look implies oral. Fin.