Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Now I have two readers!/Clay Aiken/My economic bailout plan

So, on Monday I had one reader. By Tuesday I had two readers. I've done some conservative readership estimates based on the current trends and I think I can predict with some degree of confidence that I'll have 549,755,813,888 readers by Halloween. I'm excited because that's 100x the number of people currently living on the earth, so, you know, I'll be pretty popular. I think it might behoove me at that point to get some google ads.

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Clay Aiken is gay! And... the world shrugs. I personally think the bigger news is that Clay Aiken thought that there were people who didn't know that he was gay. Seriously, you tell me which is the more surprising headline:

1. Clay Aiken gay.

2. Clay Aiken hardcore heterosexual sex tape found! Sex-crazed maniac Aiken the new Charlie Sheen says Hollywood madam who supplied Aiken with his never-ending supply of barely-legal girls!

Yeah, I thought so.

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If you've been reading my other posts, you're aware that I've been keeping a wary eye on Wall Street for the last few weeks. See, for whatever reason, I've been worried since i was a kid that there might one day be another Great Depression (my other worries as a kid: nuclear war, the dying of our sun, and/or a highly contagious fast spreading super-virus killing everyone -- incidentally, I was not a very happy kid). As the world economy teeters and our leaders try to decide the best course of action by letting a monkey point randomly at 1930s economics textbook, I find myself as worried as I've ever been. For all my joking about it, I'm legitimately afraid of what the next few years might bring.

It's starting to get ridiculous. I've got a life to lead; it's stupid for me to worry about decisions that I can't control and whose impact on my daily life is hard to parse even with an economics degree. It's like worrying what Scarlett Johansen will think of my penis.

This, then, is how I plan to cope with my worry: I'm going to stop paying attention to it.

That's right, I'm taking an "ignorance is bliss" policy regarding all the world's problems. I figure, shit, if it works for our president, it's good enough for me.

From now on, no more stock ticker, no more CNBC, no more Drudge report. Further, you won't be getting any more updates from me via this blog about our impending economic disaster. So far as my brain is concerned, the only thing in this world is talking about is Clay Aiken's sexuality.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find me a fiddle to play.

1 comment:

Megan said...

I love you idea of not paying attention to whats going on in the world and since you have admitted that you are going to ignore everything, I as well as every other american can too. My head is now in the sand and I will not be listening to anything anyone says ever again. (Do you think that is possible?) And I can say with 100% assurance that you now have 3 whole readers. (My husband laughed his ass off last nite.) Your well on your way to blog stardom!